What Is Mom Guilt and How to Deal With It?

As new parents, your priority is to provide your baby with the best care possible. You dedicate yourselves wholeheartedly to being the best mother and father you can be. You wouldn't trade your roles as parents for all the leisure time in the world because you refuse to prioritise selfishness over your child's needs.

Welcoming a new human into your life requires numerous adjustments. Suddenly, your shelves are filled with your baby's belongings, your bag no longer carries your own items but those of your baby, and your to-do list has doubled. Not being able to tick off all your to-do’s can make you feel insufficient, you may even feel guilty. This guilt extends to worries that you should be doing more, that you aren’t doing enough for your baby.

What Is Mom Guilt?

Mom guilt, also dad guilt, refers to the feeling that you aren’t doing enough as a parent. It could hit you at any given point, however, it stems from an unrealistic idea of being a perfect mother.

Some of the common triggers would include, going back to work after maternity leave, juggling household chores alongside parental responsibilities, and dealing with the judgements of parents/in-laws about your parenting choices.

This feeling of guilt is quite common among new and working mothers, but you often tend to get affected by small things, missing the bigger picture. For instance, you might dwell on the cleaning task you missed, but you may hardly notice the small, beautiful moments your baby does differently each day. You tend to miss out on small, joyous moments because you devote too much attention to things that aren’t truly important. While this feeling is normal, and many new mothers experience it, if you find the guilt to be overwhelmingly persistent, here are a few tips to manage mom guilt:

Managing Mom Guilt

First, you need to help yourself Finding time for yourself is going to be difficult, but you need to carve out some time for yourself. Go out, speak with your friends (without carrying your baby), take a walk, or engage in any activity of your choice, but make sure you allocate some time for yourself. Moreover, experts suggest that mothers who take time for themselves can benefit both themselves and their babies.

Divide responsibilities

Well, there’s no doubt that you're a superwoman, but sharing your tasks can make your life easier! If you have a partner, ask them to help with chores that aren’t on your list. Divide the tasks so you can carve out some time for yourself. Sharing your load and responsibilities can significantly benefit your mental health.

Make an effort to buy the right products from honest brands

As a mother, you are on a constant go. Having your baby eat healthy right from the time they start having their first morsel is something that every mother tries to do. So, it's important to spend some time researching and understanding baby food products that are healthier and made only from the ingredients readily available in your kitchen. Have the right products from honest brands. Avoid compromising your baby's health by purchasing substandard products. By doing so, you'll feel confident and relieved, knowing you're nourishing your baby properly!

Identify the source

Begin a journal where you jot down what makes you feel guilty or ashamed. Recognizing these areas of mom guilt can help you cope with the guilt and take concrete steps to tackle it.

Challenge the negative believes

Once you've pinpointed the beliefs causing mom guilt, it's time to switch them up. Challenge negative thoughts by questioning if there's any evidence backing them. You might realize there isn't. Turning these beliefs into positive affirmations will help you see things in a more realistic light.

Listen to your intuition

A mother's intuition is finely tuned to her child's needs. Most of the time, you’d instinctively know what they need. If your children are happily occupied while you indulge in a book, there's no need for guilt. They'll indicate when they crave your company. If your child is clamouring for attention, but you're tied up with work, such as remote tasks, don't fret. Simply ensure you dedicate time to them once your tasks are complete. Your child will let you know when they need you. All you have to do is follow your intuition and by the time you know, and before you know it, you'll be honing your mothering skills effortlessly!

Surround yourself with the right people

More often than not, mothers experience judgment, which can trigger anxiety, guilt, and shame. If you're surrounded by overly critical or negative individuals regarding your parenting, try to limit your interaction with them. Seek out those who offer support and validate your decisions.